Saturday, October 29, 2011

possible





“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” 


Audrey Hepburn

Inspiring Pics


















I don't know. Since 2010, October has been a very teribble month, well, at least for me. Things went crazy, and I have become somewhat complicated person. I've become soooo emotional. I often felt like my existence just bothered the others. Like, the world turns its back on me.

But, then, I saw this Lion King's quote.


Oh, no. I realized something.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MAMEN SELASA 3 PELAJARAN (kayaknya) ARE GOING TO BE TESTED!!!! Dan masalahnya Smansa itu ulangannya semacam ulangan harian -_- jadi ga ada waktu ekstra buat belajar, karena kbm berjalan seperti biasa. Gila banget. Saya aja kaget kalo noleh ke belakang, kok bisa ya belajar jam 4 pagi padahal ada tes jam 7?

Ga tau dan ga mau tau ah. Life's complicated enough, ayo belajarr!


Bewew~

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

"Time Tested Beauty Tips"

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!


Written by Sam Levenson, and it was one of Audrey Hepburn's favourite poems.

SM


No, it's not sadomasochism (do I spell it right?). SM stands for Studying Methods.

Restu was asking me and some other friends to wrote our studying methods for her, so, yeah. It's kinda surprising me when I found out that my studying methods were actually good, but I hadn't applied it, yet.

Well, just like what Alice said, "I give myself a very good advice, but I very seldom follow it" Oh my. Btw, a bunch of homeworks still waiting for me. So... I better turn off the computer now.

Ciao!

Bewizta.

Ngomel, bukan Galau!

When u're gone the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok, I miss u.... I've never felt this way before, everything that I do, reminds me of u. I love the things that u do. Do u see how much I need u right now?

And make it okay.. I MISS YOU :'(


 All of them are my friends' statuses in facebook. It's not my saying, of course, because right now, actually I prefer to say less and mean more :> haha ignore it. Well, it's the lyrics of When You're Gone! Oh, wrong lyrics at wrong time :/ I'm really upset right now because a friend of mine (well, he's not really my friend but whatever) turned out to like me. Let's say he is like the second part of Pelahap's cases. The difference is, he had been in a relationship before, dan kalian semua tau bahwa syarat pertama seorang cowok itu acceptable from my way of thoughts itu kalau dia belum pernah pacaran. itu prinsip yang jelas nggak bisa ditukar dengan apa pun.

Dan kalian tau seberapa parah saya bisa berubah sikap kalau digosipin sama seorang cowok, APALAGI kalau cowoknya sensitif atau cepat gede rasa alias ge-er kayak yang satu ini. Saya nggak pernah memberi toleransi pada kasus ledek-meledek soal cinta. Bilang saya berlebihan, tapi cinta itu bisa banget datang dari sekadar ledekan, dan disukain cowok yang nggak saya sukai is the last thing I want in this world. Dari awal masuk smansa saya sudah berdoa,

"Ya Allah, jangan sampai ada kasus kayak di 9D lagi. Jangan sampai ada kasus love-life macam-macam di sini."

Masih ingat pelahap? Ya, dia, orang yang diledek 'ada apa-apanya' dengan saya. Parahnya, he was my classmate, and everything was messed up. Saya jadi suka ngehindar, my class seemed like hell just because he was there.

Saya mau frontal. You better get ready.

IYA, ORANG YANG SEKARANG SEKELAS. DIA MENEL BANGET TAU GA. MENEL YANG SERIUS DAN TERSELUBUNG, BUKAN SEKADAR MENELNYA ANAK-ANAK GAUL. DIA ITU TIPE ORANG YANG SUKA SMS "ada sesuatu yang mau gue kasih besok" PADAHAL YANG MAU DIKASIH ITU CUMA KARTU PELAJAR, FOR GOD'S SAKE. IT'S OKAY TO HAVE FEELINGS, TAPI SAYA MARAH KARENA HIS UNAPPROPRIATE ATTITUDE IS GOING TO RUIN MY RELATION WITH MY BESTFRIEND. I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN IT IN DETAIL RIGHT NOW.

Kenapa saya bilang unappropriate attitude? Saya udah capek jadi abstrak dan berliku-liku, so let's just say that, gini, pernah pas hasil ulangan dibagikan, saya lagi di mushola, dan begitu saya balik ke kelas, gurunya berkata pada saya bahwa kertas hasil ulangan saya sudah ada di si cowok itu (itu pun kalau dia masih pantas disebut cowok). Saya mungkin masih bisa take it easy kalau dia itu cewek, tapi masalahnya dia itu cowok dan saya nggak dekat sama dia.

some people are just like clouds. When they are disappear, it's a brighter day. (tumblr)

Bilang saya geer, tapi saya tahu mengenai kasus si cowok ini dari temannya langsung. Kronologinya gini,

Bewew : silently eating my lunch box in the canteen...
Teman 1 : "wah, kasih tau si ***** (nama si cowok) ah ada si nomor 10.."
Teman 2 : "ssssttttt...."
Teman 1 : "Ups, keceplosan."

Insting detektif saya langsung jalan *eaaa. Nomor 10 = nomor absen saya. Saya langsung balas berujar,

"Oh, aku udah tau kok. Ternyata dugaanku selama ini bener."

Temannya itu langsung takjub. Seriously. Saya udah ngerasa "something's not right" dari pra-MOS.

This matter is waaaay more complicated than it seems. Saya nggak suka nge-judge orang, tapi kalau saya mau jahat, cowok itu bisa saya bilang sebagai cowok yang fake. Fake ketika dia berbicara, fake ketika dia berperilaku. Saya bisa ngerasa kalau dia lagi sok manis. SORI, saya nggak perlu itu. Kamu boleh suka sama orang, tapi nggak gitu caranya. Dan seenggaknya, kalau mau suka sama orang itu dipikir dulu. Saya tau, feelings nggak bisa dicegah, tapi seenggaknya jangan nyebar-nyebar cerita nggak penting mengenai perasaan anda ke sembarang orang.

You don't know how it feels to be me, you don't know what I've been going through, dan yang terpenting, anda nggak tahu betapa susahnya kondisi saya saat ini ; mempertahankan prestasi sambil membuang rasa 'eww' saat saya harus melihat anda 6 hari dalam seminggu dan mempertahankan persahabatan saya. Baru kali ini saya benar-benar merasa terdzalimi. Separah-parahnya fnd (dia ngaku-ngaku sebagai pacar saya, helloooooo!) , seenggaknya dia nggak menghancurkan hidup saya. Dia nggak mencoba menghancurkan persahabatan saya.

Tapi tadi saya mendapat pencerahan dari syuro TI. Mungkin ini balasan dari Allah atas dosa-dosa saya. Alhamdulillah, masih dibalas di dunia. Mungkin ini salah satu bentuk kasih sayang dari Allah (yang terselubung) Duh, kenapa nggak Matahari aja sih yang ke sini?

Btw now,  saya mencoba santai ketika bertemu orang-orang yang berpotensial jadi the next crushes, because you know, I decided not to had a crush on anyone right now, saya cuma mengizinkan diri saya untuk 'mengagumi' beberapa orang. Bukan, bukan 'rasa kagum yang berubah menjadi cinta' kayak di Ayat-Ayat Cinta -_- You know, seperti rasa kagum yang banyak cewek simpan untuk si Aa ketua OSIS (kok saya biasa aja ya? apa karena udah liat matahari? *bingung)

talking about fb statuses, i found this one too just by now.

I was enchanted to meet you. How those little sparks flew when you smiled sweetly at me. Totally mesmerizing. ♥



I WAS ENCHANTED TO MEET YOU = LIRIKNYA ENCHANTED BY TSWIFT = LAGU KEBANGSAAN MATAHARI AND ME.


Oh Gosh. For those who just started to know me OR read this blog, you may think 'Matahari' is the secret code for my crush. Well, believe it or not, actually it's HIS real name, baby *frontal* (semoga Ibu ga baca blog ini, amin)

Back to the main topic. 'Enchanted' started to be one of the songs that remind me of Matahari when in nineth grader, my classmate, Brina, told me that she found a song that remind her of the case of Mthr and me (oh well). I googled the lyric of enchanted and listened the song, and well, I fell in love with the song just as fast as I felt the sparks between us. AAAAAAARRGH. Yes, I was blushing all the way home from the halal bihalal w/ matahari. That day was flawless (oke, waktu itu saya ngerasa dia itu annoying banget karena dia itu sempet 'kayak' ngikutin saya, tapi sekarang kalo saya dikuntit matahari, saya rela kok T_T)Karena gatel pengen main Enchanted di gitar dan chordnya itu sangat-sangat susah untuk saya, jadi saya nyari-nyari kunci sesuai suara sendiri dan ketemulah kunci untuk reffnya aja (G-D-A) hahahahaha. Lanjut ah.

NB : Satu pertanyaan lagi. HELLOOOOOOOOOO, WHAT'S WITH YOU GUYS????? WHY MEEEEEEE?? I mean, apa sih yang kamu dan kamu dan kamu lihat dari saya? I'm not even close to beautiful or smart or kind or whatever that could attract you guys. My head looks weird. I wear thick glasses. I like to procastinate. I'm lazy and socially awkward. Ayolaaaah, di smansa masih banyak kok yang cantik dan pintar (atau) berprestasi. Lagian kan saya udah heart-connected sama matahari gitu (stop it already, bew -_-)

Thank you for reading, sorry for the harsh words and sentences. Dan sahabatku, kalau kamu baca posting ini dan merasa kamu involved, aku minta maaf banget. I didn't mean it that way. Dan buat cowoknya, oh, buuuurn. Hahahaha bercanda. Gatau ah. Ke laut aja sana. Bukan. There's a part of me that tell me to be kind to you, but I don't know how. Saya itu udah gagu banget kalau menyangkut urusan kayak gini. I felt so guilty for saying bad things about you, so, let me say sorry (but well, I'm not saying sorry for being REAL. You should know that I don't give fake hope, like the one that you gave to many girls) But, what I really want to say is, can you please just throw your feelings for me away?


Mrs. MK (inisial matahariiii)  ~(‾♥‾~) ----> wooooooo ngaku ngaku hahahaha

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Time it was and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences.

Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.


Bookends - Simon and Garfunkel


Song's review from someone on the internet : This song is about when you are older and looking back on your life and remembering a time when you were young, care free and in love and the only thing that's left from that happy memory is the photographs to remind you of those times.

I saw this song for the first time in the (500) Days of Summer soundtracks list, but it took several months for me to download and listen to it (you know, as usual, laziness attack!). But, I didn't regret my decision and I certainly agree with that review. I mean, this song is perfect, classic, veryyy simple, and oldies. I love oldies song. It's only last for less than a minute. But this song got a really deep meaning for me. And oh, btw, it's SIMON AND GARFUNKEL :D

Thursday, October 06, 2011

something for the future

“I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” -Kurt Cobain

Kalau suatu saat nanti jurnal online ini berhenti berjalan, berarti saya sudah pergi.

Pergi,

Ke alam sana.

It may sounds a lil' bit scary, but we're all going to die. That's a fact, and we should thanked God for the life that we had right now. We still in normal condition, we don't have to think about what to eat for tomorrow. We could go to school without thinking about how to fullfill our life cost.

Human are just human. Me, either. Most of the human never treasured what they had, until it's gone.

Just like what Mahatma Gandhi said ; “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

“Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.” -Jeremy Schwartz

TLG

love is just another word i'll never learn to pronounce (from a blog that i followed - here's the link)

Orang yang tadinya jatuh cinta bisa jadi benci. Orang yang tadinya benci bisa jatuh cinta! (dari sinetron SCTV -- ga mutu emang)

Well, the feelings that I used to had for him wasn’t basically like that. I didn’t hate him. I just felt that something wasn’t right there, and when I was a seventh grader, I even prayed like this : “For the sake of Allah, I will never, ever like someone named **************************”

And the truth is… I never liked him :p No, I’m not joking. I felt that we were more than friends, but we were not even best friend to each other. (confusing, right?) For example, on the afternoon he could talk to me like I was his long time best friend, but on the next day he treated me like we didn’t know each other. Apakah itu yang disebut dengan cinta? I don’t think so. Saya cuma… mungkin saya hanya ‘penasaran’ sama sikap aneh dia dan gemes tingkat tinggi dengan hobinya yang suka ngerjain saya, like, all the time.

Oh, well. The relationship that we used to had was really, really awkward and indescribable in a good way. I had so much memories that really hard to be forgotten, and sometimes, it hurts instead. It hurts to know the fact that we weren’t meant to be together.

It's nice to know that you were there.
And making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all.

How could I can find someone like you again? I don’t know. There were times when my hopes were getting higher. I could feel that the chemistry was there. I could feel that this complicated matter was fated to happen and it wasn’t meaningless. It was something worthy.

But then, I remembered that so many girls have been chasing over him. And I didn’t want to increase the list of girls that had been longing for his love. No. I’m way stronger than that and I’m not that shallow, baby. There are so many things in the world that more important than this silly matters.

Well, no. I know, I’m freaking labile, but the actual reason why I never wanted to called the strange feelings that I used to had as crush, it was because of the girls that had been crushing over him. I’m not jealous or anything. I simply didn’t want to broke anyone’s heart. I’d rather being the victim (of love) than being the suspected one. Kadang, jadi korban lebih baik daripada jadi tersangka. And, despite the fact that he liked someone else, I thought he wouldn’t be so happy when he by my side. Bahasa kasarnya, I mean nothing for him. Nothing.

Lagipula, saya selalu menjelek-jelekkan dia. Saya bilang dia aneh, jelek, bla bla bla. Padahal sebenarnya, nggak sama sekali. I mean, I was just wanted to convincing myself that he’s ugly or something, so I wouldn’t like him anymore. Pathetic. But, it was useless. Perasaan ini udah terlanjur dalam. The feelings weren’t just ‘feelings’ anymore. I used to liked him both inside and outside. I liked his personality, yet he wasn’t that ugly. Ini bukan jenis perasaan yang ‘dari mata turun ke hati’. Tapi sebaliknya, dari hati naik ke mata. Memang, one of my biggest weakness is, once I had special memories with someone, then that ‘someone’ wouldn’t be just another person again. Ngerti ga? Kalau saya punya kenangan sama seseorang, maka saya nggak akan bisa tenang lagi deket-deket orang itu. Makanya, rasanya tuh saya pengen banget nempel post-it yang nempel di pipi setiap saat dan bertuliskan “DON’T TALK TO ME, I FALL IN LOVE SO EASILY.” My life would be so much happier if only I could do that.

Now, since I knew that myself wasn’t good enough for everything (especially him), I decided to moved on. This time is for real. I had already let him go, but I hadn’t let the memories go. I mean, don’t forget the memories, just let it go. Biarkan memori itu menjadi kenangan semata. Relakan, biarkan memori tetaplah menjadi memori. I believe that one day, we’re all would remembered all of our memories, the good and the bad, and laughed at it. It's just a matter of time.

Kita memang pernah memakai baju yang mirip sekali tanpa disengaja. Kita pernah tanpa disengaja berdua di angkot, malam-malam. Yes, we used to spent hundred hours together. We used to had nice chit-chats for almost 2 years. We used to teased each other. You used to be my world. You used to texted me about the simplest things ever, and I felt so happy already. You were the first thing that I had in mind when I woke up in the morning. You were one of my motivations to get into Smansa, even though I would never admit it to anyone.

Only few close friends knew what I felt towards you. But now, the feelings had already stopped. Reality had shown its harshness. And all I can do now is praying for the best. Saya berdoa untuk kebahagiaanmu, even if that means I don’t included on it. Nggak apa-apa.

I’m over you. Well, not yet. But someday, I believe that I will get over you, I will let the memories go, just wait and watch me!!!!!



PUISI BOBROK. I'VE WARNED YOU. DON'T READ IT FOR YOUR SAFETY.

Oke, lebay -_- stop it already. Disunnahkan jangan baca, for real lah....

Tahukah kamu?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat pikiran saya teralihkan saat saya hendak pulang setelah tes masuk sma?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya tidak fokus saat menonton video sma ketika pra-moppp?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya kurang fokus saat menatap POSKO?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang saya cemaskan saat hendak 'bersalam-salaman'?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang mengecewakan saya karena dia nggak memandang tepat ke mata saya?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya sedih karena dia kelihatan senang-senang saja tanpa kehadiran saya di sampingnya?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya mendapat 'butterflies' setiap kali dia lewat?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya menangisi memori di antara saya dan dia?
Memori, yang seolah tak ada artinya baginya.
Saya bertanya, tahukah kamu,
Bahwa orang itu adalah kamu?