57.
That number has been freaking me out since yesterday. Lol.
Come to think of it, I was not an obedient kid. Or a talented one. I was just................. an average one. And up until now, I still can't cook, can't do math well, can't be so open to others, can't stand boys, can't recite Quran amazingly, can't get the best score, can't love those science subjects, can't be on time, can't express affection to others, can't let go of those self-conciousness.... yet. It just feels like I'm up to no good.
Whoa. And again, so many quotes have had contradictions in my mind. Like, for example, I love those quotes "Winners never quit", but I also like that "Quitters can win too". It's very contradicting to each other, isn't it?
So, it brought me to conclusion that every quote, every statement that human made has their own limit. Because human are just human. Pros and contras are always going to be exist.
Well, I had told by someone that "You should try harder." , "if you're going to runaway from your responsibility, how would you face your problem in the future?". Their advices, seemed like to tell me that "winners never quit". But, come to think of it, some winners also once quitters. Quitters here, mean that they were sacrificing something for better results. They decided to quit, because they think that "quitting act" was worth it.
I made the same decision. I quitted. My act still remain obscure, and I felt like my request wasn't even got listened. Actually, it kinda hurts to know that your voice wasn't listened, while you want to make change about something that wasn't right. I say, this thing wasn't right anymore, because I did this thing with some purposes, with some agreement with someone. Exchanging ourself, that was what we promised to each other. I even lied to the upperclassmen to protect our agreement. I said so many good reasons for the purpose sake. But the agreement was broken by him, he didn't do the things I did, so I thought that was the main reason for me to quit. I had no reason to be there anymore. I tried to be thoughtful, I endured to say those quitting words, but it was getting worse. He even insisted to keep me doing that thing, while he himself didn't do anything on our agreement. I bet he didn't even remember about his sweet words when we made that agreement. I know that human forget easily, but it's just too much if he forgets such an important agreement. He is not a kid anymore and he hadn't had "forgetting disease" like Amnesia. I told him that I don't want to continue doing this thing because of my parents' prohibition, but actually, my real reason to stop this thing, was more because of our agreement that has already broken. Ah, I don't know what to say anymore. My throat hurts. People might think that I am the main villain. But I believe that Allah knows the truth, Allah sees, but he waits. I might seem so confident and I know that I'm not the kind of people that can be easily loved by others, and probably, I'm being annoying to some people now. But I will try to fix it. Step by step. By being honest, kind, and not to tell lies anymore, even if the white one.
Let's do one good deed a day! (Kimi Ni Todoke's Sawako's (a.k.a Sadako's) life philosophy)
