Thursday, October 06, 2011


love is just another word i'll never learn to pronounce (from a blog that i followed - here's the link)

Orang yang tadinya jatuh cinta bisa jadi benci. Orang yang tadinya benci bisa jatuh cinta! (dari sinetron SCTV -- ga mutu emang)

Well, the feelings that I used to had for him wasn’t basically like that. I didn’t hate him. I just felt that something wasn’t right there, and when I was a seventh grader, I even prayed like this : “For the sake of Allah, I will never, ever like someone named **************************”

And the truth is… I never liked him :p No, I’m not joking. I felt that we were more than friends, but we were not even best friend to each other. (confusing, right?) For example, on the afternoon he could talk to me like I was his long time best friend, but on the next day he treated me like we didn’t know each other. Apakah itu yang disebut dengan cinta? I don’t think so. Saya cuma… mungkin saya hanya ‘penasaran’ sama sikap aneh dia dan gemes tingkat tinggi dengan hobinya yang suka ngerjain saya, like, all the time.

Oh, well. The relationship that we used to had was really, really awkward and indescribable in a good way. I had so much memories that really hard to be forgotten, and sometimes, it hurts instead. It hurts to know the fact that we weren’t meant to be together.

It's nice to know that you were there.
And making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all.

How could I can find someone like you again? I don’t know. There were times when my hopes were getting higher. I could feel that the chemistry was there. I could feel that this complicated matter was fated to happen and it wasn’t meaningless. It was something worthy.

But then, I remembered that so many girls have been chasing over him. And I didn’t want to increase the list of girls that had been longing for his love. No. I’m way stronger than that and I’m not that shallow, baby. There are so many things in the world that more important than this silly matters.

Well, no. I know, I’m freaking labile, but the actual reason why I never wanted to called the strange feelings that I used to had as crush, it was because of the girls that had been crushing over him. I’m not jealous or anything. I simply didn’t want to broke anyone’s heart. I’d rather being the victim (of love) than being the suspected one. Kadang, jadi korban lebih baik daripada jadi tersangka. And, despite the fact that he liked someone else, I thought he wouldn’t be so happy when he by my side. Bahasa kasarnya, I mean nothing for him. Nothing.

Lagipula, saya selalu menjelek-jelekkan dia. Saya bilang dia aneh, jelek, bla bla bla. Padahal sebenarnya, nggak sama sekali. I mean, I was just wanted to convincing myself that he’s ugly or something, so I wouldn’t like him anymore. Pathetic. But, it was useless. Perasaan ini udah terlanjur dalam. The feelings weren’t just ‘feelings’ anymore. I used to liked him both inside and outside. I liked his personality, yet he wasn’t that ugly. Ini bukan jenis perasaan yang ‘dari mata turun ke hati’. Tapi sebaliknya, dari hati naik ke mata. Memang, one of my biggest weakness is, once I had special memories with someone, then that ‘someone’ wouldn’t be just another person again. Ngerti ga? Kalau saya punya kenangan sama seseorang, maka saya nggak akan bisa tenang lagi deket-deket orang itu. Makanya, rasanya tuh saya pengen banget nempel post-it yang nempel di pipi setiap saat dan bertuliskan “DON’T TALK TO ME, I FALL IN LOVE SO EASILY.” My life would be so much happier if only I could do that.

Now, since I knew that myself wasn’t good enough for everything (especially him), I decided to moved on. This time is for real. I had already let him go, but I hadn’t let the memories go. I mean, don’t forget the memories, just let it go. Biarkan memori itu menjadi kenangan semata. Relakan, biarkan memori tetaplah menjadi memori. I believe that one day, we’re all would remembered all of our memories, the good and the bad, and laughed at it. It's just a matter of time.

Kita memang pernah memakai baju yang mirip sekali tanpa disengaja. Kita pernah tanpa disengaja berdua di angkot, malam-malam. Yes, we used to spent hundred hours together. We used to had nice chit-chats for almost 2 years. We used to teased each other. You used to be my world. You used to texted me about the simplest things ever, and I felt so happy already. You were the first thing that I had in mind when I woke up in the morning. You were one of my motivations to get into Smansa, even though I would never admit it to anyone.

Only few close friends knew what I felt towards you. But now, the feelings had already stopped. Reality had shown its harshness. And all I can do now is praying for the best. Saya berdoa untuk kebahagiaanmu, even if that means I don’t included on it. Nggak apa-apa.

I’m over you. Well, not yet. But someday, I believe that I will get over you, I will let the memories go, just wait and watch me!!!!!


Oke, lebay -_- stop it already. Disunnahkan jangan baca, for real lah....

Tahukah kamu?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat pikiran saya teralihkan saat saya hendak pulang setelah tes masuk sma?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya tidak fokus saat menonton video sma ketika pra-moppp?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya kurang fokus saat menatap POSKO?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang saya cemaskan saat hendak 'bersalam-salaman'?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang mengecewakan saya karena dia nggak memandang tepat ke mata saya?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya sedih karena dia kelihatan senang-senang saja tanpa kehadiran saya di sampingnya?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya mendapat 'butterflies' setiap kali dia lewat?
Tahukah kamu siapa yang membuat saya menangisi memori di antara saya dan dia?
Memori, yang seolah tak ada artinya baginya.
Saya bertanya, tahukah kamu,
Bahwa orang itu adalah kamu?

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